I haven’t written in a long time. I try to rationalize with myself that it is just because I am busy, or going through a lot of changes, but I know that rationalizing is just rationalizing. The truth is… I started to lose hope. I had such high hopes for everything going on in my life, and the second something wasn’t exactly the way I imagined, I gave up. Logically, I know that something becoming an overnight success is a bit far fetched, but my emotional side told me it was completely achievable… literally overnight.
On my way to work this morning, I was reminded of something Brandon (JoJo’s husband) said to us the first time I went to Utah to work on The Lionheart Society…
“Don’t give up on this. Even if it takes 5, 10, or 15 years, don’t give up on it. This is important. What you guys are doing is important.”
I had this idea in my mind of what this was going to be like and its not. That isn’t a bad thing at all; it just means something is not what I had originally imagined.
“We can’t always see where the road leads, but God promises there’s something better up ahead. We just have to trust Him.” – Psalm 56:3
Every time I would begin to write something “inspiration wouldn’t come” AKA the motivation hadn’t even shown up to the party. My mind told me that there was no point in me writing and I really listened to it. Then, a few days ago, I had a huge breakdown. I truly disliked everything. I was upset if you looked at me cross-eyed and I just was losing a ton of hope. My mom asked me, “Well, what makes you happy?” and for a little while, I couldn’t tell you. But then, I remembered. LIONHEART. The Lionheart Society makes me happy. The idea that we are even reaching one person makes me smile. Writing about experiences and challenges and how to work through them makes me happy. Working towards others understanding mental health makes me happy.
“Perhaps you were born for such a time as this.” – Esther 4:14
Esther was “born for such a time as this” to make positive change, and maybe, just maybe, we were born for such a time as this. Esther saw that there needed to be change and with help, she made that positive change. She didn’t always have it super easy. The path to this change, was sometime extremely scary, such as when she presented herself before the king, knowing that there was the possibility of her getting killed, just so she could state the changes that needed to be made.
That is what I want for The Lionheart Society. I want it to make a positive change. Putting myself out there is never easy; it’s really hard actually. Anxiety and putting yourself out there don’t mix that well, but if you feel truly passionate about something, shouldn’t you pursue it? If it is something that makes you happy and makes you smile, shouldn’t you take the chance? Even if it is super risky?
So, I stopped writing because I was dealing with my own mental health. I was dealing with an overwhelming fear, an anxiety that making a difference really wasn’t making a difference, and a voice screaming in my head that working towards this goal wasn’t really worth it. The thing is… if we all decided to give up on our passions or told ourselves that we weren’t going to make a difference… no one would make a difference.